are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
