We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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