I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
