His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
