if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
