I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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