Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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