Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
