your thong is hanging out like whoa
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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