why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
