My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
