margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
