Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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