just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
