I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
