You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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