i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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