I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
