Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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