So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
