420 ftw
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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