you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
