So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
