That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is Oprah even human
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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