OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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