after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
