Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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