I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
