Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
