Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
