and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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