my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
