I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
