Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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