Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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