I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize