guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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