found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
