Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
