you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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