i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
