today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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