the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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