If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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