How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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