is your mom at the bar?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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