So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
