A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
