What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
