I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
