where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think my moral compass just broke
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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