Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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