I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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