I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
