I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it glows. i had to have it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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