a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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