she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
