i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
