i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
