After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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