you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
