I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
