my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
