My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
