I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
