the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
