D3 body, D1 cock
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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