At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
