Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
