a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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