We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
