I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
