i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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