I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
