hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
