I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
