I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize