My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
