The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
