I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
