you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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