Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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