remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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