Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
