I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
