Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
