im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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