I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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