My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
